We’re going to try something different this week and give ranked choice voting a shot. Pick your favorite three candidates and let’s see how well they stack up next week! Good luck to your candidate! As always please share far and wide, but hide from progressives as much as possible! Let’s hope for a healthy corporate-friendly result so we can make it back onto the TV circuit. Keep an open mind – this primary is wide open! Warren 2020!
Disclaimer: For the less than brilliant, this article (and all content found at DoucheLeaks.com) is at least 90% parody.
Last week’s poll results truly blew me away. The resurgence of Elizabeth Warren with a commanding 0.89% of the vote was quite an unexpected delight – sure to please the “Stop Bernie” crowd. If you doubt the results, don’t take my word for it, take a look for yourself. As my English teacher used to say, “math don’t lie.” Be sure to vote in the new poll below!
This week I thought I’d try something different in order to factor out name recognition bias. I replaced the candidates’ formal names with their common names, which are likely much more well known to the general public. Please vote below and share far and wide (among real Democrats only, of course). Voting closes Wednesday at noon PST.
Last week’s poll revealed some intriguing results. It has become increasingly apparent that people don’t know which Bernie Sanders is running in 2020. This doesn’t bode well for his messaging team! For the second straight week, once you eliminate Bernie Sanders, because he’s not a Democrat, Andrew Yang becomes the surging internet favorite with a huge 1.14% of the vote. But don’t get complacent Yang Gang, because the front-runner Kamala Harris is hot on his tail with an impressive 0.23% of the vote!
Don’t forget to vote in this week’s poll below. At DoucheLeaks, we’re always refining and tweaking our polls, hoping to get the most unbiased results an internet poll can capture. This week, we’re trying something a little different and encouraging everyone to spread this poll, even to the rabid Bernie Sanders supporters. Poll closes Sunday at noon PST!
Last week’s poll results are in and the people have spoken loudly and clearly in support of their candidates. After making a small adjustment due to a minor typo, the clear winner was Andrew Yang. Congratulations YangGang! While I’m not a huge fan, he’s certainly easier for me to stomach than a progressive who could actually win. These results should put to rest any rumors of Bernie Sander’s campaign gaining momentum. Also of note, Pete Buttigieg scored really well this week, showing much more support than Bernie Sanders, who didn’t even register.
In no way have I ignored the complaints from the Bernie fanatics about the small typo in last week’s poll. In fact I’ve decided that to gather a more fair sample of the electorate, I’m making amends to the Bernie Bros this week by prominently displaying Bernie. You’re welcome. Please vote and share widely!*
Welcome to the first of many polls I’ll be putting out on a weekly basis. As a reminder, polling this early in the election season is always to be taken with a grain of salt, as even the most well intentioned poll can only capture a snapshot in time, and rarely factors in election fraud. My request to you is that you share these polls far and wide on social media so that we get an accurate sample of the full electorate. My one caveat, which should be obvious by now, is that I ask you to please ensure you’ve blocked all known progressives and Bernie Sanders supporters before sharing the poll. Check back each week for an analysis on the prior week’s polling results and to participate in a new poll.
The character “Markos Makesitso” and this article are both 100% parody.